As the guy made my burrito, I stared at the soup of milky, fatty eggs and was disgusted. Wait, I'm sorry, that was a straight up lie, I said, "yo dude, more eggs please...yeah, even a little bit more." And you know what I did? I ate the shit out of that breakfast burrito. Sorry chickens, your pain was my glory today. Man that statement makes me miserable...and that IS the truth.
Just as Crisp and Juicy was a sacrifice to give up, Breakfast Burritos are going to be my challenge. A challenge I will totally p0wn. ...I think.
The main squeeze took me to an AMAZING cafe in Santa Monica called "Huckleberry's" and Oh. My. God. I can't even find the words to describe the glory of this place. I got the breakfast burrito de awesome and he got some dish called "Green Eggs & Ham" which was some eggs florentine dish that from the part I tried sans meat made my mouth salivate with happiness. Which leads me to a very real question...HOW THE BEJESUS AM I GOING TO STOP EATING EGGS?
My first thought is I should just eat buckets and buckets of eggs between now and Monday so the thought of an egg makes me want to die. But you know, if I can quit the chicken sandwich, I can quit the egg burrito.
I wonder, what can I get at brunch now without the egg? Luckily in Los Angeles there are TONS of places that have some hippidy dippity dish that's like sunflower-moonshine-tofu-scramble. It tastes JUST like the real thing, I promise guys! (I have no clue what it tastes like, I always get real eggs like a champ.)
And just as I think, maybe this whole thing is a stupid idea, I think about how chickens are slammed up in small cages, unable to move, see, live. Pumped with hormones so their legs grow big and fat for your chicken wings, essentially made into food consumption machines. Except wait, small snag. THEY'RE NOT MACHINES.
My friend Brett, just last night, took me up on the same humorous shitk we've been having since the 9th grade. The first time it happened being in geometry class at H-B Woodlawn. He started throwing pencils at me in jest and said, "Think about the vegetables! Think of their pain!! How can you eat all those vegetables as they suffer!!" Me, "Oh my god, You're such an ass! Give me my pencils back!! No, not by throwing th- bahhhhhh" (obviously we dated soon after, courting makes so much sense, doesn't it?)
I get it, mom & dad always told you to eat your vegetables, and lord knows we never want to listen to what mom & dad say. But let's be reasonable here:
1) Being healthy is awesome. You have more energy, look better and you know there's the whole "living longer" thing. I mean if you have a death wish by all means eat your big mac.
2) If you cook them right vegetables taste GREAT. In the LA area there's this restaurant called lemonade and they make brussel sprouts in a way that should be illegal they're so good.
3) Vegetables have little to no calories. It's like god's sneaky trick. Like, oh hey, the thing that you need to eat the most of, that WON'T get you fat and is GREAT for you, is gonna taste WAY not awesome most of the time. fugggggh. Whatever, dude, suck it up and eat your celery, put it in your bloody mary if you have to. It burns more calories to chew it then to digest!! How awesome is that! Just throw a bunch of oranges, limes, apples in that drink and you've got all the vitamins you need.
Here's the thing, eggs are freaking awesome. But the next time you go for your extra egg in that burrito, just give yourself a moment to think about the chicken. And yes, Chipotle is a horrible example because supposedly they treat their animals with heaps of love and respect, but I'm talking any of the other eggs you get from anywhere else. And yes again, I know I am also a hypocrite right now because there's about 5 unborn chicken fetus's in my stomach surrounded by mediocre guacamole and hash browns...
BUT that said, on monday I am saying no to the egg. Because I am saying no to how the chickens are treated. Put the Chicken before the Egg...if you can.
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